Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Tuesday Slice: What I've learned from having children, part two

Last week, I wrote about some of the lessons I learned since becoming a parent.  There was definitely a steep learning curve during the first decade-and-a-half.  My children are now young adults, and the learning hasn't stopped.  
  • Teenagers are just as different as young children.  What worked to motivate one child does not necessarily motivate another.
  • Bribes can work, especially big ones.  You really want to go to film camp?  Sure, just make sure there are no more missing grades or zeros for assignments in your classes.  Voila, better grades!  (I should also add that said child lobbied hard for this camp, stating it would help him decide what to pursue in college--good argument.)
  • On the subject of arguing...there will be some, no doubt.  It helps to remind adolescents that we are all on the same side--the side of growth and health and happiness for all involved.  
  • Lack of participation in household chores at home does not necessarily lead to inability to do so when teens are on their own.  I stepped up once I was in my own place, and my firstborn did, too.  In fact, she does more cleaning now when she is home than she did as a teen!
  • How your child acts at home may be completely different than how they act in public.  This can be a good thing!  Standing back and watching my children interact with others in school and abroad has given me a greater sense of who they are as a whole person, separate from their roles in our family--I see friendly, polite, positive, cooperative young adults.  It gives me perspective when dealing with the previous two bullet points.
  • It is so gratifying to watch your children form tight friendships with other positive-minded people.  Knowing they are building a social safety net eases my mind.
  • Saying "I love you" and giving hugs is still a thing in young adulthood--even though the youngest has to bend down for me to kiss the top of his curly head.
  • Conversations at the dinner table have become so much more intellectual and humorous!
  • College debt is a given, or at least it is for us.  I just accept that and move on.  It stresses out our recent college grad, and I am reassuring her weekly that it will be paid off eventually, and we'll make sure she doesn't starve or end up homeless in the process.
  • Young adults will continue to surprise you, and often in positive ways.  I am amazed that my introverted, homebody son wants to spend a week with complete strangers in NYC to figure out his future goals.  Our college grad is heading back to Japan once again, this time for a paying job that will last one to two years. Their courage and focus is inspiring! 
I hope that parents of young children who read this will feel better about dealing with the upcoming teen years.  This stage can bring so much growth for all involved!  I am excited to see what the future holds for my young adults--and for me and my husband, as we navigate through this new phase in our family.

12 comments:

  1. I loved those teen years, Chris, and all the things you've shared are true. Watching one's children grow into good people is a joy, and that they are kind, will take risks for themselves, and go into the world contributing is a great thing.

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    1. I'm so glad you share this viewpoint! There is so much negative press these days about young folks (I guess there always has been, really). They are doing great things, too!

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  2. We're in the next phase, headed to see our first grandchild soon. I was reminded of those teen years by your list. And my favorite bullet point: "How your child acts at home may be completely different than how they act in public. This can be a good thing!" Puzzling at times, but definitely a good thing.

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    1. Grandchildren...I'm looking forward to that milestone in the future, too. Nice to see you survived parenting the teen years!

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  3. My oldest is starting middle school next year and I'm sure I'm going to have a lot of lessons to learn about parenting a teen when he does. I'm excited and a little nervous for this next adventure!

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    1. We experienced a LOT in middle school, mostly vicariously through our children's friends. Led to great discussions about making good personal choices!

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  4. Preach! I love having my kids out of high school. They both go to local colleges, so the adjustment hasn't been too bad. We took a vacation last summer and it felt more like we were travelling with friends!

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    1. It's so great to reach that stage. Youngest will be a senior in hs next year...almost there!

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  5. Each stage definitely has its easy and tough parts and as you said there is a lot of similarity. I am now the long distance parent of two semi adult sons (ages 23 and 25). It si so fun to get to know them again at each stage.

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    1. It is wonderful when you get to relate to them as adults (even in the "semi" state!), though right now I'm helping eldest navigate the tough parts of adulting.

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  6. I don't have kids of my own but teaching for 30 years and getting close to my nieces and nephews made me appreciate that it takes a village to support a kid as he/she becomes... bravo to you!!!!
    Bonnie K>

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    1. So very true, Bonnie! I am always thankful for those who step in to help my children; we are surrounded by angels in that regard.

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