To set the alarm during summer break, or not...that is the question.
I currently have my alarm set for an hour later than my usual school-day wakeup time. Yesterday, I promptly got out of bed after turning it off. This morning...almost an hour passed before I got up. I have no morning appointments to keep this week, no external motivators to bolt out of a perfectly comfortable bed, where my body and my bedcovers have finally come to terms with one another after a night of sweating versus feeling cold.
If I don't get up with the alarm, I lose out on quiet alone time before my husband gets up.
Then again, I get the house to myself after he leaves for work.
I tend to get more done when I'm still in a morning haze, brain unable to talk myself out of emptying the dishwasher, putting on workout clothes and exercising, starting laundry.
Then again, I am on summer break, after ten months of almost militaristic scheduled mornings.
What to do, what to do....
The books are scattered throughout the house
Girl, Wash Your Face
The Soul of Money
Cluttered Mess to Organized Success
A Religion of One's Own
Steal Like an Artist
Women Food and God
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****
The Wild Card
A Whole New Mind
Eat for Health
Decluttering at the Speed of Life
The Miracle Morning
The Sacred Enneagram
The Artist's Way
The Four Tendencies
Happy Teachers Change the World
The Five Second Rule
The Healthy You Diet
My Shining Year Life Workbook
Peace and Plenty: Finding Your Path to Financial Serenity
Find Your Why
Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World
The list goes on, and on, and on.
Most remain half-read, unread, like prescriptions gathered
By a chronically ill patient
Am I worried about the side-effects
Afraid to confront my own demons
Is it success that scares me?
Or am I afraid that the answers aren't really there at all...
Maybe the demons know the truth--and the cure.
The fifth official day of my summer break, and I've yet to decompress. Instead, I've spent the last two nights tossing and turning, thoughts of work-related and personal tasks that must be completed by summer's end piling one on top of the other in my sleep-deprived mind.
Last night, the to-do list had a soundtrack, prompted by my first voice lesson yesterday. My instructor and I decided I'd work on Anna Nalick's "Breathe 2 a.m." , and it kept replaying in my head, along with other songs I'd like to try. I finally gave up trying to sleep and retired to the couch, checking my email on my phone and texting my son in Japan. Scrolling through Facebook posts made me drowsy, and I managed to squeeze in a couple more hours of shut-eye before waking up an hour later than I really wanted to.
Dental appointment this morning, working in the library tomorrow morning...maybe Thursday will bring some respite?
My situation had become intolerable.
My office was a dumping ground last year. I thought I would have time to straighten it up while working summer library during the last break, but we had a steady stream of visitors. I began this past school year with a messy desk, and the piles of papers and books just grew.
The state of the library collection was becoming intolerable, too. I had not weeded in five years, and the average publication date was three years too old.
After reading Seth Nichols' blog post, "Why Teachers Are Walking Out" , the outlook for my summer vacation break seemed intolerable as well. I was already feeling put out by the expectations for summer professional development--without pay or professional compensation--and reading his post reinforced those feelings. Requests for district-paid summer work outside of my own school even annoyed me.
So I started saying no. No to professional development in June during my work days, when I really need to be cleaning my office, working on my annual report, and weeding. No to paid extra-duty job offerings and requests, when I need to be home battling insurance issues that I can't take care of during the school year because I am busy, busy, busy during business hours. No to attending free online teacher training, when I have piles of children's books to read to prepare for next year, and my own professional books that I've purchased and left unread.
I have compromised, and set my own schedule of going in to the library for five Wednesdays this summer. For three hours each day, volunteers will be helping me weed and reconfigure math kits, tasks that I know can't be done in August.
This summer, I am saying yes to taking Spanish lessons. Yes to taking voice lessons, and painting, and reading books just for fun. Yes to cleaning up my own home, and swimming, and walking in the sunshine. Doing these things for me will allow me to be there for the children come August, to do all the things I say yes to in the fall.
