Karen has given us the prompt of exploring a virtue(s) for this month's Spiritual Journey reflection. You can find her own post here.
I have perused the list of virtues that Karen provided several times now, trying to make a personal connection. It is Thursday evening, past my intended bedtime, and I am tired to the bone. I want to think of positive examples of those lovely virtues, but all my rumination leads to the lack of those qualities in myself and my surroundings.
Virtue: Energy Chris: Exhaustion
Virtue: Orderliness Chris: Messy desks at work and at home
Virtue: Acceptance Chris: Pouting in a corner
I have been operating in deficit mode this past week, fueled by envy. Not the kind that Jay Shetty warns about in Think Like a Monk; I don't wish those whom I envy any less than what they have. I am fully capable of co-celebrating others' successes. I may not have been cheerleader material in high school, but I can do so in thoughts and prayers and affirming messages as an adult. But when I turn from those spotlights to face some of my own challenges, the envy lurks in the shadows.
My hope is that this unrest, this tiredness of the way things are, this envy of how things can be better...are the beginning pains of something great about to be birthed. I can stop pouting, and instead take solace and rest in the dark. I don't necessarily need to do anything about it; I can wait until opportunities arise, easing the way out. Labor doesn't last forever.
All I need is...patience. Finally, a virtue with which I can connect.
Chris: thank you for humoring me with this topic. I think it was hard for me also... I'm not sure I was able to express why I chose it, but I think it was a tricky choice. I will have to think further on it. Wishing you a light heart, energy and patience. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteChris, wow. You have written such an honest heart piece here. I like how you were describing the envy you feel, and the hope for something better coming, "the beginning pains of something great about to be birthed." Yes, patience as you wait.
ReplyDeleteOh, Chris. Forgive me for chuckling at the image of you pouting in the corner. Although it's your "self-portrait," I see and sense your deep frustration vs. straight-up sulking. I understand it! "Tired to the bone" describes me at present as well. Couldn't even get my post up by Thursday and decided a day late would be ok. Love the way you organized your list of contrasts - it packs a punch, a wallop of wit - and I especially love this: "My hope is that this unrest, this tiredness of the way things are, this envy of how things can be better...are the beginning pains of something great about to be birthed." A sort of "it's darkest just before dawn" perspective - and true. Patience, alas. And REST!
ReplyDeleteThis is so good. I can relate so much with your reading the list and finding lacks in yourself - I did the same! Just know you aren't alone, and don't give up!
ReplyDeleteI think it was a Jess Keating newsletter that talked about using envy as a tool. What in your life can you do or change to get closer to your goal? Patience is a virtue. And there is God's Time which is often slower than I'd like. I appreciate your honesty (and sense of humor) in this poet.
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