Tuesday Slice: Twelve ahead, plus two

It shouldn't be surprising that tension was high in the house last week. Everyone's feelings were swinging from excitement to sorrow, almost on an hourly basis, our hearts at the ends of pendulums suspended by taut heartstrings.

A few times, the strings broke.  Tears, anger, frustration, withdrawal if it happened on the downswing; bouts of laughter, impromptu hugging, jumping up and down on the upswing.  Then practicalities would set in, and we were back at work.

It is work, packing one's life into two suitcases, a carry-on, and a laptop bag.  There were last-minute shopping and bank runs.  The traveler, Virgo that she is, packed and repacked days ahead, wisely weighing her luggage to avoid extra fees.  Her father, ever the problem-solver, figured out a way for her to handle the luggage on her own at her arrival.  Her mother was more worried about making memories with favorite family meals and a girls' night out.  Her brother joined her on Pokemon hunts and video game playing, both of them staying up past their parents' bedtimes.

Friday came quickly.  We were out the door on time, and arrived in Houston a few hours later, with the added good fortune of hotel rooms ready before noon.  The traveler went into work mode, meeting up with fellow employees to take a shuttle to orientation. 

A reception at the residence of the Consul General of Japan brought everyone together again.  The friendliness of the staff, coordination of the JET program, and sparkling personalities of the JET applicants added to the excitement of this new venture.  Speeches and toasts were made, and then it was back to the hotel for one last family meal.  The traveler visited with us for awhile in our room, but left to join her roommate for the night.

Sleep was hard to come by that evening, and no one was overly hungry for breakfast in the morning--except the brother, who had chocolate cake left over from the night before.  We went to help the traveler and her roommate with their luggage, meeting the rest of the group crowding into the hotel lobby. Seeing them onto the bus, we left ahead of the shuttles and waited for their arrival at the airport. 

It takes awhile to check in a group of more than three dozen fliers, but we didn't mind; it gave us time to talk and meet some of the other travelers.  

Bags checked, boarding pass and passport in hand...it was time to say goodbye at the security gate.  Three rounds of hugs, and she was off.  We watched through teary eyes on a balcony overhead as she made her way through the scans and on to the terminal, waiting as she laced on her purple converse sneakers.  With a wave and blowing kisses, she joined the others heading towards the international terminal.  We didn't leave until her feet disappeared beneath the ceiling line below us.

It was a quiet ride back to the hotel.  As we loaded the car, planes flew over us every few minutes, and we tried to guess which one was hers, saying goodbye to each just in case.

**************

The traveler arrived safely in Tokyo thirteen hours later.  

For the next year or two, a piece of our hearts will be twelve hours ahead, plus two.

Tuesday Slice: The countdown begins--and I'm a bit scared

I have fifteen days--including today--that are free of work commitments or professional development, before my calendar year starts.  Not consecutive days; I have a leadership team retreat this Thursday, professional development sessions for two days next week and two days the following week.

My husband took this week off from his work.  Not because we are taking a true vacation --no one in the family could ever agree on even a day trip, so I gave up trying for that.  Instead, he's giving our teenage son  driving lessons, and completing home projects like faucet nozzle replacement, mowing the lawn, and fixing my bicycle.  

And there's the biggest family project of all this week:  helping our college grad daughter prepare for her first job--which just happens to involve a year, maybe more, abroad in Japan.  We've been on shopping trips for clothes, toiletries, travel amenities, and gifts for her employers, all of which needs to be packed in two suitcases and a carry-on bag.

We'll accompany our daughter to Houston this weekend, to attend a reception and see her off at the airport.  We'll wait and watch her go through the TSA line, catching one last glimpse as she gathers her stuff from the trays and puts on her shoes.

It will be bittersweet, seeing her off on her big adventure, but not scary.  This is her third trip to Japan; when visiting last fall, we were awed by its culture of honor and respect.  Truthfully, I'd be more worried if she were heading for a big city stateside.

After seeing her off, attention will shift to the coming school year.  I'll be the librarian for 1200 elementary students next year.  One hundred more students than last year.  And I've heard rumors that there may be more...

That's what's got me a bit scared.

Tuesday Slice: In search of FUN

There is a book languishing somewhere in my to-be-read pile called The Gift of Play:  Why Adult Women Stop Playing and How to Start Again by Barbara Brannen.

I need to dig it out right now and read it. 

Sometime in June, I loudly proclaimed to my husband "I need to have some FUN this summer, something to feed my spirit so that I can go back to work in August with a smile on my face and a story to tell when someone asks about my summer break."

Here I am, halfway through my one month of no-work-appointments, with a planner full of work-related reading and projects, commitments to exercise and clean and deal with children's activities.  

There is a sprinkling of fun (little f) here and there--swimming in the neighbor's pool, painting a sign for our house, going to a concert with my husband, reading a book just for me.  

I try to make activities fun.  There's a subtle difference, though, between injecting fun into an activity one feels obligated to do, and doing something just for fun. 

Nothing on my calendar screams FUN.  And I'm not even sure I could articulate what that really looks like, anymore.  I just know it's missing.

I've got two weeks to figure it out and squeeze it in.  Maybe Barbara Brannen can help me.  You'll know where to find me today, in between exercising and cleaning.  I'll be searching for my funny bone.  If you find it first, can you please return it? 

Tuesday Slice: What I've learned from having children, part two

Last week, I wrote about some of the lessons I learned since becoming a parent.  There was definitely a steep learning curve during the first decade-and-a-half.  My children are now young adults, and the learning hasn't stopped.  

• Teenagers are just as different as young children.  What worked to motivate one child does not necessarily motivate another.
• Bribes can work, especially big ones.  You really want to go to film camp?  Sure, just make sure there are no more missing grades or zeros for assignments in your classes.  Voila, better grades!  (I should also add that said child lobbied hard for this camp, stating it would help him decide what to pursue in college--good argument.)
• On the subject of arguing...there will be some, no doubt.  It helps to remind adolescents that we are all on the same side--the side of growth and health and happiness for all involved.  
• Lack of participation in household chores at home does not necessarily lead to inability to do so when teens are on their own.  I stepped up once I was in my own place, and my firstborn did, too.  In fact, she does more cleaning now when she is home than she did as a teen!
• How your child acts at home may be completely different than how they act in public.  This can be a good thing!  Standing back and watching my children interact with others in school and abroad has given me a greater sense of who they are as a whole person, separate from their roles in our family--I see friendly, polite, positive, cooperative young adults.  It gives me perspective when dealing with the previous two bullet points.
• It is so gratifying to watch your children form tight friendships with other positive-minded people.  Knowing they are building a social safety net eases my mind.
• Saying "I love you" and giving hugs is still a thing in young adulthood--even though the youngest has to bend down for me to kiss the top of his curly head.
• Conversations at the dinner table have become so much more intellectual and humorous!
• College debt is a given, or at least it is for us.  I just accept that and move on.  It stresses out our recent college grad, and I am reassuring her weekly that it will be paid off eventually, and we'll make sure she doesn't starve or end up homeless in the process.
• Young adults will continue to surprise you, and often in positive ways.  I am amazed that my introverted, homebody son wants to spend a week with complete strangers in NYC to figure out his future goals.  Our college grad is heading back to Japan once again, this time for a paying job that will last one to two years. Their courage and focus is inspiring! 

I hope that parents of young children who read this will feel better about dealing with the upcoming teen years.  This stage can bring so much growth for all involved!  I am excited to see what the future holds for my young adults--and for me and my husband, as we navigate through this new phase in our family.

Tuesday Slice: What I've learned from having children

When I was eighteen, I still didn't see myself ever being married or having children.

When I was twenty-three, my boyfriend and I talked about how many children we wanted to have--two, three tops if the first two were the same gender.

At twenty-seven, boyfriend-turned-husband and I had our first child, a micro-preemie.  Three years later, I had an early miscarriage.  One more year, and child number two was born, just a tad early and with an extra thumb and oh, I just happened to have HELLP syndrome.

It's a good thing we didn't want a dozen children.  These two have taught me plenty, and I expect more lessons to come.  I wanted to chronicle what I've learned as a parent...this may be a series of posts, as I've learned a LOT.

• Life often does not go as planned, especially big events like childbirth.  My pregnancy with child no. 1 was going along just fine, right on schedule, then BAM!  Welcome to mommy-hood at 26 weeks!  Who needs that third trimester, anyway?
• Doctors and nurses with great bedside manners are heaven-sent.  It also helps to supply said doctors and nurses with home-baked cookies--though I think they would have cared for and spoiled our daughter anyway (she was held a lot in the NICU by her nurse-mommies!).
• Health insurance.  Enough said.
• I picked the right guy to father my children.  He is a hands-on, providing, listening, doing-what-it-takes dad.  And he treats me very well--something I want both of our children to see and internalize.
• I can handle really yucky bodily fluids of all kinds.  I think this helped me conquer my distaste for handling raw meat, too.  I was squeamish about making hamburgers before I had kids.  Now I can squish together a meatloaf with the best of 'em.  
• I'm glad I was a teacher before I was a mom.  The experience honed my behavior management skills, and gave me lots of ideas to keep my kids engaged and learning during the summer--reading, doing crafts, going on field trips, listening to great music, playing outside, and letting them be bored to learn to entertain themselves.
• No two children are alike.  I thought I had the baby thing down when child number two arrived.  I said so to our pediatrician when we were having feeding and sleeping issues, and he just laughed.  As a father of four himself, he knew better.
• Even with help, moms break down.  There were moments that I deeply regret, when my skills weren't enough and my emotions got the best of me.  We made it through.  When you counter every child's utterance of "I hate you" with an "I love you, no matter what you say", the relationship is never in question.  It helps to remember that the child has an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Repeating to oneself "I am the adult.  I am the adult." can also do wonders.
• Trust your experience and gut instincts, and seek help when you need it.  Physical therapists, occupational therapists, behavioral therapists, speech therapists--they all have jobs for a reason.  And that reason is to help your kids.  I even learned to do play therapy, a skill that came in handy when I returned to the classroom.

I've learned more from parenting the first fifteen years than in the eighteen years of formal education I've received.  I keep learning, every day.

What have you learned by having children?

Tuesday Slice: An hour late, but for what?

I was supposed to get up an hour ago.  The sun isn't even completely up, and I've already disappointed myself.

Why do I feel this way?  I'm on summer break!  I should be luxuriating in the ability to arise whenever I feel like it (except for the next three days, when I'm back to work hours for iPadPalooza).

There's this urgency for me to be up and at 'em on these fleeting vacation days, to tick tasks off my to-do list that seems to grow exponentially while I'm working.  Teachers don't do spring cleaning--they do summer cleaning.  And summer reading, and planning, and professional development.

I've also had more restless nights since school got out than I had during my last work calendar.  Library needs, lesson ideas, work-related issues have kept me awake at least twice this past week.  This rarely happens August through May.

There have been attempts to get into summer mode:  a lazy day last Friday, swimming, sitting on the back porch celebrating the solstice yesterday.  Going braless at home (I had forgotten how good that feels!).  But I'm still driven to fill up my planning diary with self-imposed assignments.

Maybe this is a detoxification process, my mind and body shaking off the stress of the school year, like a fever burning off an infection.  Infectious laughter would be more suitable for this season of rest and rejuvenation.  

Summer solstice sun, from my backyard.

Tuesday Slice: Summer not summer

I just looked at the calendar and figured out how many completely open weeks without work-related events I have this summer.

Four weeks.  Just four weeks.  When one considers that my work calendar ended on June 9th and doesn't start again until August 8th, four weeks doesn't make sense.

I've done this to myself.  I'm going to work today, as I did yesterday and will do through Thursday, because my library is nowhere near August ready.  (If it's not done by Thursday, though, it's not getting done until August.  I'm putting my foot down!)

I signed up for the three-day iPadPalooza conference, hoping I can get more ideas for iPad use in the library.  Then there's the one full day and three half days of district-level workshops (also tech-related), and the half-day presentation I'm co-presenting (which will take a few days to put together prior).

Add that to my to-read pile of Bluebonnet and professional books....and this entire summer is laced with work.  Unpaid work, except for the presentation I'm doing.

Yes, I chose to do these things, because I am a lifelong learner. I also love my job.

I do not want my job to become my life, however.  That happened before, as a young teacher, and I was burned to a crisp after six years.

I'm going to keep that in mind when I plan next summer.  Something's gotta give.