Tuesday Slice: Not yet ready for used to be

 

I am not there for the soft entry, the smiles,

the "How was your summer?" and "Loved the pics of your vacation!".

I am not there to hunt for a seat near an outlet, knowing my laptop still needs to charge.

I am not there for the new tee shirt, the long agenda, the fresh coffee and breakfast tacos.

I am not there with a fresh new planner, filling in dates of meetings and holidays and book fairs.

I am not there for the updates, legal (hopefully better news) and software glitch fixes.

I am not there for the new books, the new budgets, the new resources--or the lack of the latter.

I am not there, and no one is there in my place, either.

I am not there because I chose not to be there...but I am not yet ready for used to be.

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It is the first day back for school librarians in my district, and they will all be meeting together to look at the year ahead.  I retired at the end of last year, and that position has yet to be filled, along with several other library postings; I may be subbing in a few of those until librarians are found.  This hasn't happened in the decade-plus years I served behind the circulation desk. I think teacher pay incentives (TIA, here in Texas) which result in salaries higher than a librarian earns, as well job uncertainty as neighboring districts cut librarian positions, may be to blame.  

I miss my library and teacher colleagues.  I miss the hope and optimism behind planning the scope and sequence for the year, embedding read-alouds and research lessons.  I consider myself a realistic optimist, but today, I will have to remind myself why I chose to retire, and those reasons aren't so rosy--or I would still be there, after all.