Ramona has given us the prompt of exploring the concept of "here" for this month's Spiritual Journey reflection. You can find her own post here.
Be here, in the now
With my bleary, tired eyes squinting at the screen
My stomach slightly roiling from today's uncouth eating
My head fuzzy with fatigue.
Before this
I paid a bill
listened to a podcast
while Christmas shopping with an hour to spare on a coupon,
and signing up for yet another self-help newsletter.
Was I there for any of that?
Before that
I was nodding off on the couch
phone in hand
husband seated across the room
new show on the television, half watched.
Was I there for any of that?
It is hard for me to be present
with a mind that tends to the future
and a body that protests for more sleep.
And when I sleep
will I finally be here
or will my mind decide to roam fields of dreams?
What is so wrong with the present
that makes it so hard to be here?
I chuckled when I read, "...signing up for another self-help newsletter..." It's the sort of thing I do too.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've had the most vivid and chaotic dreams recently.
I love your structure of " Before this... Before that... And when..."
Thanks for writing and joining our gathering.
What is so wrong that it makes it hard to be here? A profound question. Our minds often wander off even as our bodies are still.
ReplyDeleteSuch a good question. I have the same problem! I think it's part of being human!
ReplyDeleteDeeply reflective as always, Chris. I think the age in which we live is part of the difficulty of being "here" or at least sustaining being "here" in the present moment. I often think about how our minds are fractured and fragmented with all that must be done...it is a reason why people scroll on their phones during meetings, not as intentional disrespect but because it is hard to be still when the mind has a thousand things it's trying to hang onto. The nodding off, the tiredness...it's only partly physical. The mind grows tired, too. So very weary. The brain is, after all, a pattern-seeking mechanism - should it not spin and spin when patterns aren't discernible? I can relate to this in so many ways. To be "here" in moments that matter (a mindfulness akin to active listening) requires a letting go that is hard...this is the thread I see shining in your post.
ReplyDeleteWow, Chris, I love the honesty and truth found in your post. Some of my favorite (and relating to) lines:
ReplyDelete"today's uncouth eating"
"Was I there for any of that?"
"or will my mind decide to roam fields of dreams?"
Amen, sister. Hopefully this exercise will bring some delicious "here" moments and days ahead.
I can relate to your questions, Chris. I nod off while reading, wake up and realize I haven't internalized the last several pages. Life is so enticing, we try to jam in as much as possible, but... are we really here? Thanks for sharing this question. It is one for further pondering.
ReplyDeleteChris, I am nodding my head as I read through your post. I have found myself "shopping with an hour to spare on a coupon" and "new show on the television, half watched." I had tried to give up multitasking a few years ago but somethings slipped through the cracks. Old habits are hard to break. Your question at end of your poem is one that I will need to ponder deeply tonight. Sounds like you did some intense reflection on the word here. I thought it would be a difficult task put in reality, it was just what I needed to do to contemplate my next moves to be more mindful.
ReplyDelete