Dreaming is an act of self-care

I hit a wall at 34.  I realized I had no vision of my future.  My life was full of work and children's needs and a house I couldn't bring myself to keep clean and a body I didn't recognize anymore.  My depression came to a head after a shopping trip for holiday clothes (I can't even remember if it was Christmas or Easter)--everyone got an outfit except for me, because I couldn't find anything that fit right and didn't make me look dumpy and frumpy.  My husband nailed it when he lovingly said that something needed to change, even if it meant getting counseling.

I had to start with taking care of my body first--moving it, giving it healthy food and rest.  Wearing makeup again (for me, it's an act of self-care), getting my hair cut the way I liked it.  Then I had to set some basic housekeeping routines in place--FlyLady helped me out there.  It took time, but my head cleared and I started thinking about where my life was going.  Nothing definite at first, but at least I envisioned wide open opportunities instead of daily drudgery.

Here I am, sixteen years later, in a job I love, with a family that's thriving.  Yes, the house is still a cluttered mess--but the dishes and laundry get done (nothing says "I love you" like clean underwear!).  Yes, my exercise routine is lacking once again, but I am aware of that fact and looking forward to making that a habit this summer.

I still have trouble dreaming for myself, setting big goals and working towards them.  I used to wonder how people made 5 year and 10 year plans, but now I see the wisdom in doing so.  Setting intentions isn't stifling, it's empowering.  Dreaming feeds the soul.